Use the checklist on this page to see if you may be going through complex grief.
You experience complex grief when you were a child in a dysfunctional family system, where you were manipulatively blamed, discredited, or iced out. You were labeled the “black sheep.”
Now, as a successful executive leader, you may say that you had a fabulous childhood. But you may feel intense anxiety at the thought of visiting this abusive parent or those who support them.
When that abusive parent dies, it triggers a new level of internal distress. You may feel safe yet alone, and relief mixed with guilt.
This happens because you aren't just grieving a person; you are grieving the family you never had, the safety you never felt, and the false identity they forced upon you.
This checklist is designed to help you recognize how complex grief, especially grief linked to prolonged family stress, invalidation, trauma, or scapegoating, may be affecting your body, emotions, and work capacity. Use this as a reflective tool to identify what you may be experiencing and to begin naming what needs attention, support, and healing.
Checklist:
Complex grief linked to prolonged family stress, invalidation, and chronic trauma activation often shows up in the body. If you are experiencing many of the symptoms listed below, please consult a professional to get help. I recommend consulting a psychiatrist.
1. Chronic Fatigue and Burnout
☐ Waking up exhausted
☐ Afternoon energy crashes
☐ Persistent low motivation
☐ Mental and physical heaviness
☐ Reduced stamina at work
☐ Feeling burnt out just trying to get through the day
2. Sleep Disturbance
☐ Difficulty falling asleep
☐ Waking up during the night (especially 3–4 AM)
☐ Nightmares
☐ Trauma-related dreams
☐ Non-restorative sleep
☐ Feeling tired despite adequate sleep hours
3. Chest / Breathing Symptoms
☐ Chest tightness
☐ Heavy sensation in the chest
☐ Throat constriction
☐ Shallow breathing
☐ Panic-like chest pain
☐ Emotional pain felt physically in the body
4. Pain and Tension Symptoms
☐ Tension headaches
☐ Migraines
☐ Neck tightness
☐ Shoulder tension
☐ Jaw clenching / TMJ
☐ Teeth grinding
☐ Chronic muscle pain
☐ Fibromyalgia-like body pain
5. Gastrointestinal Symptoms
☐ Nausea
☐ Stomach pain
☐ IBS symptoms
☐ Appetite loss
☐ Binge eating
☐ Loss of hunger cues
☐ Diarrhea
☐ Constipation
6. Hypervigilance / Survival Mode
☐ Racing heart
☐ Sweating
☐ Startle response
☐ Muscle bracing
☐ Feeling unable to relax
☐ Feeling “on edge” even in safe environments
7. Work Capacity Symptoms
☐ Brain fog
☐ Memory lapses
☐ Slower recall
☐ Difficulty focusing
☐ Exhaustion after meetings
☐ Decision fatigue
☐ Reduced decision velocity
☐ Difficulty prioritizing
Compared to general work teams, complex grief may have a greater impact on C-suite leaders, professionals, and business owners because of the intensity of decision-making, responsibility, and reduced space to pause during loss.
At work, complex grief might cause difficulty with thinking, planning, and effective leadership. If you are looking at managing your work capacity, I work with executive leaders to protect your decision-making and professional functioning during grief.
This checklist highlights common signs of enmeshment, where blurred boundaries and internalized family narratives may continue to shape how you think, feel, and function. Use this as a reflective tool to identify what you may be experiencing and to begin naming what needs attention, support, and healing.
Checklist:
Enmeshment linked to blurred boundaries, internalized family roles, and chronic emotional over-involvement often shows up in how you think, relate, and function. If you are experiencing many of the symptoms listed below, please consult a professional to get help. I recommend consulting a therapist.
1. Enmeshment with the Family Narrative
☐ “I am the difficult one.”
☐ “Everything is my fault.”
☐ “I am too sensitive.”
☐ Chronic self-blame
☐ Organizing life around disproving family accusations
2. Trauma Bond / Emotional Enmeshment
☐ Obsessive rumination
☐ Replaying conversations repeatedly
☐ Compulsive need for approval
☐ Difficulty emotionally detaching
☐ Re-entering abusive dynamics
☐ Over-focus on fixing family relationships
3. Enmeshment with One Parent
☐ Parent confided in you like a spouse
☐ Parent used you against another parent
☐ Parent relied on you for emotional regulation
☐ You felt responsible for a parent’s emotions
☐ Difficulty separating your feelings from theirs
4. Enmeshment with Achievement
☐ Self-worth tied to performance
☐ Overwork
☐ Perfectionism
☐ Fear of failure
☐ Difficulty resting
☐ Feeling worthy only when succeeding
How much does coaching cost?
$500 per 60-minute session
How long will coaching last?
Coaching typically lasts 2 to 6 months
The Leadership Cost of Sustained High-Stakes Pressure
Your work does not pause for grief, loss, or personal upheaval. You are still making the decisions. You are still protecting your people. But you can sense that your biological cost is mounting.
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Cognitive Friction: Decisions that used to be intuitive now feel heavy and labored.
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The Energy Shift: You are "showing up," but your presence feels rigid or brittle.
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Survival Mode: Your nervous system is prioritizing survival over strategy—a predictable biological response, not a personal decline.
When the stakes are this high, "powering through" is a liability.
About Dr. Shalini Jebasingh
Executive-level grief, trauma, and critical stress management coach grounded in 30+ years of international leadership experience.
I am a trauma-informed critical stress management executive coach for managing and regaining work capacity. I work with leaders going through grief, trauma, burnout, or critical stress that affects their productivity, functioning, or leadership.
If you are going through grief, I create a safe space where you can process your work demands to function and lead as you want to. You will become more of who you are as an executive leader through the crisis, rather than losing your sense of self.
The Process
🕐 Initial Consultation (90 Min)
Assessment to identify your needs and work priorities (one-time).
Fee: $750
🕑 Ongoing Work Capacity Coaching (60 Min)
Structured sessions focused on managing work and regaining work capacity.
Fee: $500
🕒 Urgent Sessions (60 Min)
Priority access for time-sensitive situations (on-demand).
Fee: $750
All sessions are virtual. You can engage from anywhere.
Private. Confidential. Anonymous.
Your privacy comes first. We are committed to protecting it.
• Confidentiality: Conversations are never shared or used for marketing. All records will be deleted when coaching ends.
• Absolute Privacy: Even when sponsored by an organization, no reports are shared with boards, partners, or investors.
• Total Anonymity: No testimonials are collected. No names are shared. No identifiable data markers are used.
The SCRIBE Framework
During the sessions, using our proprietary SCRIBE framework, I will work with you to manage overwhelm, shutdown, or other responses and help you access all organizational frames and manage your work. This will ensure you know the pulse of your company/organization.
In each coaching session, we increase your work capacity and tolerance window in work relationships. The outcome is that your work and your leadership are protected, and you can move forward to thrive again.